We love to get e-mail here at Cringe Factor. I especially liked the one from Jason Goodfriend, in response to my "The Worst Songs of All Time" piece. (Oddly, he does not seem to have the makings of a good friend. Perhaps a name change is in order, Jason!) His letter is reprinted below, followed by my humble response. I didn't write the Jazz Primer Mr. Goodfriend mentions. You can find that here.

Jason Goodfriend

Man, I was developing an intense respect for you while reading your "History of Jazz" section. I was beginning to believe I had found someone who had the
same love for music I do. But after reading this bullshit clit factor non-sense, I believe you're about as closed-minded as a Southern Rockn'roller wit two teef in da mouth, and da skin fiddle between his legs. Grow up man, develop your appreciation. A profound love for many styles of music will increase your musicianship exponentially, and you'll sound a lot less closed-minded.

Jason,

Thanks for the terrific advice. After you sent your e-mail, I began listening and re-listening to the back catalogs of Bob Seger, Asia and REO Speedwagon (they rock harder than I remember!) and you are absolutely right. My musical horizons have been broadened immensely and my musicianship is much improved. After listening to Mr. Seger (in particular the Night Moves album -- killer!) my flugelhorn playing is far more fluid and tuneful. As an added bonus, Asia seems to soothe my virulent underarm boils. (I'm hoping Styx will help ease my dandruff problem!)

I do take offense to your suggestion that I have only two teeth. I have seven teeth, thank you very much, and only one is shamefully discolored. (The part about "clit factor" had me rolling, though -- touche! And where can I get a skin fiddle? Sounds like a fun instrument.)

As for the Jazz Primer, I can't take responsibility for that fine piece of writing. Amy Grant penned that one, sometime during a two-week crystal meth bender.

Musically yours,

Jeff Porcaro